Leading men in America have become a very hard thing to find. For that reason I believe that homosexuality and divorce have seen an unbelievable rise in numbers in the past 10-20 years. Men have become more likely to just give in and quit when push comes to shove when faced with tough circumstances in family. Women have had to step up and be more assertive and take on the lead role in family for a few years now due to this problem.
If we look at scripture in Genesis 2 we will see that God designed man to be very smart, strong, protective and a leader of all things. Before Eve was created God gave Adam a tour of the facilities giving him rules, responsibilities and the job of naming everything. Imagine being the first to inhabit the earth and being told your responsible for everything. This is a huge task to take on but for Adam it was going to be fine to handle because he was designed for it. While Adam was taking on his new role, God noticed that he was a little lonely and needed someone to talk and walk with. So He caused Adam to fall asleep and began an operation on him he would never forget. He created a life partner for Adam by removing one of his ribs and making a woman for him. This new creation looked similar to Adam but different. It had longer hair, more curves, and other features that really appealed to him. I try to imagine exactly what Adam said the first time he saw Eve. Maybe this was the first time man used praying hands with eyes looking upwards to the father while he mouths the words “Thank You God”.
So now Adam has had a new responsibility added to his list. He sees that this new creation has a natural way of depending on him in all things. This of course doesn’t make him mad at all but in fact he feels the desire to do that very thing, He can’t explain it but for some reason he feels the need to satisfy all her needs, to be sure she’s safe and that she has everything she needs to survive. He doesn’t boss her or push her around, he in fact asks her all the time if there is anything he can do for her. It’s weird how this new creation has taken all his time and attention, but it’s ok with him. Do you remember the movie “Forrest Gump” and how Forrest never stopped persuing Jenny, How every time he was around her he smiled and acted different. If anyone was around Jenny, he would look at them with a snarl as to say “watch your step buddy!” That’s because he truly believed that she was his and there wasn’t anything anybody could say or do about it. The same aspect of this relationship happens in the movie “King Kong”. Kong absolutely protected his girl from any potential danger and would fight anyone or anything to show his love for her. You could tell the masculinity was thick in him when trouble would come around and as it drew near Kong would step in front of his girl and as to not even let her look upon it for that itself would harm her. He defended her honor time and time again to the point of dying for her in the end by shielding her with his body taking on any and everything that was around her.
I absolutely love to see a man that will show his masculinity when with his woman in daily life. A man is someone that when walking on a sidewalk will place himself between his family and the road so that if a car was to loose control it would hit him instead of them or at home will be sure the door is always locked and his place in bed is where he can see and hear anything that comes into his home. He is the protector and provider of his home and if there is anything gonna happen it will happen to him first. He knows whats going on at all times with his family and is prepared to do whatever’s necessary to be sure they will carry on. That is a man.
Jesus expressed this same quality in His own life and even gave us direction to do the same in ours.
22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.
23 For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior.
24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.
25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her,
26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word,
27 so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.
28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.
29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church,
30 because we are members of his body.
31 “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.
32 This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.
33 However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.
We also see in scripture that being a leading man is something you desire to be and not chosen to be. A man has to recognize this and take this role on as a natural way of life. God gave us free will to choose our path but He also put desires in us that would draw us to be and do certain things. This is why women and men have separate roles in life and not the same. As I stated before men were built to be stronger and have the natural instincts to protect and serve woman. Women however are a weaker species and were built to be soft, gentle and loving so that they require that protection and service from man.
In these scriptures are the qualifications for a man taking on a leading role. I believe this covers every aspect of a Christian mans life in today whether it be in his home, on his job or in service to his church.
1 Timothy 3:1-7
1 The saying is trustworthy: If anyone aspires to the office of overseer, he desires a noble task.
2 Therefore an overseert must be above reproach, the husband of one wife,t sober-minded, self-controlled, respectable, hospitable, able to teach,
3 not a drunkard, not violent but gentle, not quarrelsome, not a lover of money.
4 He must manage his own household well, with all dignity keeping his children submissive,
5 for if someone does not know how to manage his own household, how will he care for God’s church?
6 He must not be a recent convert, or he may become puffed up with conceit and fall into the condemnation of the devil.
7 Moreover, he must be well thought of by outsiders, so that he may not fall into disgrace, into a snare of the devil.
So how do I become this leading man? How do I find myself in this identity?
Well, First off you need to find out who you are. I don’t mean what you do for a job or where you were born and raised, But inside who are you. The Bible gives us several scriptures to identity ourself.
I listed these in a previous blog a while back. You can read that here,
The Fullness of Christ in You .
If we understand who we are in Christ then and only then can we begin to be that person. So many Christians will accept others ideas and understanding of this instead of learning it for themselves. We’ll even tell others that we know Christ just because your family has been religious for so many years and that makes you the same, No it doesn’t. You know Christ because YOU know Him not because somebody else knows Him.
Ok, Now that you’ve seen how Christ looks at you you can begin to journey inside your heart for this man your looking for.
Here is a list of books besides the Bible that I’ve read that helped me tremendously to find myself as a man.
Real Marriage:The truth about sex, friendship and Life Together by Mark Driscoll
Most marriage books assume the author did it right. Most marriage books barely mention friendship. Most marriage books use “intimacy” as code for “sex.” This is not one of those books.
In Real Marriage, Pastor Mark Driscoll and his wife, Grace, share how they have struggled and how they have found healing through the power of the only reliable source: the Bible. They believe friendship is fundamental to marriage but not easy to maintain. So they offer practical advice on how to make your spouse your best friend – and keep it that way. And they know from experience that sex-related issues need to be addressed directly.
Wild at Heart by John Eldridge
Every man was once a boy. And every little has dreams, big dreams, dreams of being the hero, of beating the bad guys, of doing daring feats and rescuing the damsel in distress. Every little girl has dreams, too: of being rescued by her prince and swept up into a great adventure, knowing that she is the beauty. But what happens to those dreams when we grow up? Walk into most churches, have a look around, and ask yourself: What is a Christian man? Without listening to what is said, look at what you find there. Most Christian men are . . . bored.
John Eldredge revises and updates his best-selling, renowned Christian classic, Wild at Heart, and in it invites men to recover their masculine heart, defined in the image of a passionate God. And he invites women to discover the secret of a man’s soul and to delight in the strength and wildness men were created to offer. John Eldredge is the director of Ransomed Heart
Marriage on the Rock by Jimmy Evans
God’s design for your dream marriage
Love and Respect by Emerson Eggerichs
A wife has one driving need-to feel loved. When that need is met, she is happy. A husband has one driving need-to feel respected. When that need is met, he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy. Love and Respect reveals why spouses react negatively to each other, and how they can deal with such conflict quickly, easily, and biblically.
The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman
Marriage should be based on love, right? But does it seem as though you and your spouse are speaking two different languages? New York Timesbestselling author Dr. Gary Chapman guides couples in identifying, understanding, and speaking their spouse’s primary love language—quality time, words of affirmation, gifts, acts of service, or physical touch.
By learning the five love languages, you and your spouse will discover your unique love languages and learn practical steps in truly loving each other. Chapters are categorized by love language for easy reference, and each one ends with specific, simple steps to express a specific language to your spouse and guide your marriage in the right direction. A newly designed love languages assessment will help you understand and strengthen your relationship. You can build a lasting, loving marriage together.
Last but not least, you need to read your family
What in the world do I mean by that you say? Well….
Just listen and watch your family for a while. Get to know them again and begin the pursuit of their hearts. Remember when you were dating your wife and how you felt about her. How about when you held your child for the first time. Why don’t you feel that way for them anymore.
It’s time to rediscover you and your family. Get started and if there is anyway I can help you please submit them in the
“Questions and Answers” tab at the top of this page.
I also encourage you to take make this vow to your family as the men of Mars Hill church did.
I VOW THAT
My church will be served by me
My wife will be loved by me
My wife will be served by me
My family will be led by me
My wife will be prayed over by me
The Bible will be opened in our home by me
And my grandchildren will worship the same God as me,
because my children will worship the same God as me